>>february 22 2026. its about time i make something

welp. its been a while but here i am. on friday i was out with some friends and we ended the night with going to a club (i hate clubs), and long story short i took a bite out of my phone and fucked the entire screen. so all day yesterday i dug my kyocera kyf31 flipphone out to have another bash at making that my main phone.

i bought this phone maybe a year ago in an attempt to spend less time on instagram and just generally stop wasting time. for a while it was fun but my main gripe is i havent figured out how to enable 4g mobile data on it, or rather, i dont think i actually can do it, atleast not on uk cell providers.

but now its my only hope. and upon tinkering with it i suddenly got my mojo back (baby). for months and months i think i have been depressed. im sure ive felt this way in my life before but it was only until my girlfriend asked me "whats wrong" that i blurted out that "i think im depressed", the first time i ever used that word to describe myself. not much else has came from it, just been rolling with the punches.

the main thing that was upsetting me was that i have lacked motivation and drive for almost every facet of my life and i just dont like where i am right now in my life, whether that is that i havent been going to wrestling training or the gym, the fact im broke and my past jobs have wasted my time, im sexually unsatisfied, i havent made any progress on any creative project (i have a short film that has been in script writing hell for years at this point) and tons of other shit

but the fact that i am even writing this at all is giving me a smidge of hope. recently i have been writing a campaign for an OSR tabletop game called 'rat fuck' which has been a good outlet. first kind of fantasy thing that ive done, along with being a player in a 5e game. i want to give this website more love, cause its essentially a portfolio. but tackling making it a portfolio and a personal diary while also attempting to have a wall of anonymity behind it is challenging. but fuck it we ball.

so yeah im back to using a flipphone, my psp screen is broken now too along with the memory stick slot that constantly formats the card and im starting a new job tomorrow. just gotta keep playing with the hand that i'm dealt i suppose

speak soon

sxndwich <3